ET2 has just picked up ET1 from planet Earth where he has spent a year on an information-gathering spy mission. They are orbiting the Earth and preparing for departure toward their native galaxy. 

 

ET2:  "Hey welcome back ET1. How was your trip?"

 

ET1:  "Very interesting indeed. This is one of the most beautiful planets I have ever surveyed. Look at all those gorgeous blue oceans, white clouds and green forests. It is rather small but really pretty, like a little jewel in space."

 

ET2:  "I see what you mean from up here. It is a beautiful little planet. Are there any life forms down there except for the plants?"

 

ET1:  "Oh yes. There are 8.7 million species living in perfect harmony with their environment……,well may be except for one."

 

ET2:  "Which one is that?"

 

ET1: "They call themselves humans. A very strange species as far as I could tell."

 

ET2:  "How so?"

 

ET1:  "Well, they happen to be the smartest. They have the largest brain-to-body-weight ratios of all of them. They can invent, build tools and machines, write and converse. They have splendid music and poetry, better than ours. But at the same time, they do the dumbest things. I just could not figure that out."

 

ET2:  "What kind of dumb things do they do?"

 

ET1:  "For one thing, they ruin the very environment they live in and depend on. They pollute their ultra-thin atmosphere, pollute their waters and eliminate their oxygen producing trees and plants. They are constantly putting poison in their air, water and food."

 

ET2:  "Well, then they must have a suicidal gene somewhere in their chromosomes. Do other species on the planet share a similar trait?"

 

ET1:  "No. All other species are trying very hard to survive."

 

ET2:  "That is very interesting. What other suicidal behavior do humans manifest?"

 

ET1:  "They kill about twenty million of themselves every year and that is all legal and quite acceptable to them."

 

ET2:  "Wow! Twenty million? How do they do that?"

 

ET1:  "They use this device they call cigarettes"

 

ET2:  "What does it look like?"

 

ET1:  "It's like a little paper pipe they fill with all sorts of toxins. They light it up, stick it in their mouths and inhale the poisonous smoke."

 

ET2:  "Who makes them do that?"

 

ET1:  "No one! They do it voluntarily."

 

ET2:  "Then who supplies the killing devices to them?"

 

ET1:  "They buy it!"

 

ET2:  "They buy the device they kill themselves with?!"

 

ET1:  "Oh yes. And interestingly, they have to buy quite a few because the device does not kill instantly."

 

ET2:  "How long does it take?"

 

ET1:  "It could take ten to forty Earth-years and it usually comes after a long illness."

 

ET2:  "And they use it every day for all those years?"

 

ET1:  "Oh yes. Actually many times a day. Ten, twenty and sometimes even forty or fifty times a day."

 

ET2:  "So they go through all that trouble to slowly kill themselves?"

 

ET1:  "You got it!"

 

ET2:  "So then, who takes the money?"

 

ET1:  "The companies who make the devices."

 

ET2:  "And who owns those companies?"

 

ET1:  "The Humans themselves. They are called shareholders. That means they actually own part of the companies."

 

ET2:  "Wait a minute. Are you telling me that these Humans own companies that produce killing devices which they buy and use it on themselves for many years so they can get sick and die?"

 

ET1:  "That’s right! But honestly,  I don't think they really want to die. It's their way of coping with stress!"

 

ET2:  "Hey, let’s get out of here!"

 

Written by Ed Adib, MD 2007